Anger
Healthy Anger
You are:
➔ present
➔ proportionally reacting to a boundary violation
➔ using the emotion as a guide to maintain your identity and independence
➔ proud afterwards
Unhealthy Anger
You are:
➔ ‘gone’ - body/brain is ‘in the past’
➔ reacting to ‘nothing big’ upon reflection
➔ left feeling shame and guilt about what was said and/or done
Both are valid and full of info and anger will enter your system and will always be a part of you.
It’s important to:
1) Breathe:
through your nose and exhale slowly through your mouth
2) Name it:
“I am so f*ckin angry right now!”
3) Process it:
Clench your fists, flex your chest and shoulder muscles, clench your jaw...
4) Acknowledge and appreciate it:
I notice this feeling will come, stay and go, and it is important.
5) Check in with your SELF:
Is this healthy or unhealthy anger?
Both types of anger are SO important, but the action and/or conversation is very different!
Healthy Anger =
clarifying a healthy boundary: ‘It is not okay that you...’ & stating a clear result action: if this continues, I’ll have to...
Unhealthy Anger =
acknowledging to yourself you are not ‘here’: ‘whoa! I’m not present...’ & being curious and compassionate to that part of you: ‘I don’t know what triggered that, but I know it makes sense’ & sharing with others: ‘you didn’t do anything wrong but when you talk like that... I’m gone because of…(past)’.