Couple’s Counselling
The problem is not you.
The problem is not your partner.
It is you and your partner AGAINST a cycle.
Relationships often get caught in cycles. These cycles can look different for each couple and can fluctuate in intensity and frequency throughout the course of a relationship.
A common cycle can be where one person in the relationship gets upset and expresses their anger or frustration, which results in their partner shutting down and becoming more and more distant… which can cause more anger, leading to more shutting down.
This can result in a loss of intimacy, connection, and communication while resentment builds.
This cycle, and whatever cycle you’re in, can be disrupted and changed to bring you closer to each other. Often times, it can be disrupted by a small change.
Once this occurs, the deeper work can follow. What is beneath the anger and frustration and what is underneath that shut-down response.
It does, however, take hard work, patience, and persistence.
Couple’s Counselling
It is so important to not lose your SELF in a Relationship, and the sad thing is that we usually do this out of love because we think the ones we love want us to do this. However, what most want is for us to be our authentic selves.
Your partner fell in love with you! There was something about your core… your energy… something that they found attractive. Often times, we fall in love with those who ‘fill our gaps' or ‘complete that puzzle’. We see in them what is missing from ourselves.
Initially, this is a beautiful thing. We admire, respect, and encourage them to be who they are. However, this can change as the relationship goes on and external pressures are introduced into the relationship.
Things like living together, kids… all of a sudden these differences can cause ruptures in the relationship. They have such a different way of doing things and you cannot believe that they think this way… it’s insane! They are a narcissist… they are avoidant… she is such a bitch… he’s such an asshole!
Then, we start to change. Rather than communicating working on holding onto that self that they love… we change, out of love, to a person we think they want us to be. We become someone new…
This leads to less excitement in the relationship, less respect for each other and a slow steady march towards a relationship with less feelings of love, each partner retreating to their corners and doing work in the dark.
It can be different. Understanding and communicating who we are and holding onto your core self that brings SO much to the table needs to be found and communicated in a way that can make reconnection real…
before it is too late.
Fight, Flight, or Freeze in an Argument = Gas on a Fire!
Your body, and amygdala, may be kicking in because it sees a relationship loss, or the threat of a loss, as a danger to your survival.
If you find yourself and your partner caught in a cycle, check in with your body and head to see if you are in a mode of fight, flight, or freeze.
If you or your partner are, it can turn ‘minor scuffles’ into full blown fights… it’s like pouring gas on a fire!
There are ways to reconnect to the part of you that wants a deep and loving connection before it gets to that stage.
Specialized
Treatment Area
Unhealthy communication and behaviors
Feelings of disconnection and intimacy problems
Current betrayal, guilt, or emotional pain
Healing from a breakup or past relationships
Difficulty being vulnerable and communicating effectively
Emotional blockages or misalignment
